Consent Crew

FRIES Method

We endorse and uphold the FRIES Method, which stands for Freely Given, Revocable, Informed, Enthusiastic/Empowered, and Specific.

• Freely given:
• Voluntariness: Whether it's a light spanking session or a full-blown rope bondage setup, it is essential that every nod of approval is given freely, without any form of pressure.
• Joyful Participation: Remember, it's all about enjoying and diving into the adventures willingly and with a happy heart!
• Revocable:
• Pause or Stop: Just as you might stop a scene because the rope is too tight or the wax too hot, know that consent can be revoked at any time, for any reason.
• Respect and Understanding: If a play partner decides to revoke consent, greet it with understanding and immediate respect.
• Informed:
• Knowledge is Power: Before engaging in a scene involving new toys or apparatus, make sure everyone involved knows what to expect and the risks involved. Imagine agreeing to a blindfolded feather teasing but getting a surprise tickle with a different tool — being informed means avoiding unwelcome surprises!
• Clear Communication: Don’t be shy to communicate openly, clearly, and honestly about any concerns, desires, or boundaries.
• Enthusiastic / Empowered:
• Eager and Powerful: Consent should be given with a sparkle in the eye and a keen interest to participate. It is a proactive approach towards consent, where individuals feel empowered to communicate their wishes clearly and without fear of judgment or coercion.
• Specific:
• Detail-Oriented: Whether you are negotiating a soft play with gentle stroking and whispered words or a rougher session with paddles and restraints, be clear and specific about what is on the menu for the session.
• Activity-Specific Consent: Just like agreeing to be handcuffed doesn't automatically mean agreeing to be spanked, every activity needs its specific, shining seal of approval.

Empowered consent goes beyond the mere absence of a "no" to actively seeking an enthusiastic "yes." It prioritizes clear communication, open dialogue, and a genuine understanding of each person's boundaries and desires. This approach ensures that all participants have the freedom to voice their preferences, establish limits, and revoke consent at any point without judgment or repercussions.

In practice, empowered consent encourages ongoing check-ins, respect for personal agency, and a culture of mutual respect and understanding. It acknowledges that consent is not a one-time event but a continuous process that requires active communication, empathy, and sensitivity to the needs and feelings of all involved.

In the context of a kink environment or any sexual activity, empowered consent would mean:

1. Self-awareness and communication:
1. Knowing Your Desires: Being well-acquainted with your desires and limits.
2. Open Dialogue: Engaging in a robust dialogue where everyone feels safe to express their desires and set their boundaries clearly.
2. Education and information:
1. Learning: Taking time to educate oneself and others about different practices, their risks, and safety measures.
2. Information Sharing: Sharing all necessary information openly, so everyone is on the same page.
3. Active and ongoing process:
1. Check-ins: Regularly checking in during an activity to ensure everyone is still comfortable and enjoying themselves.
2. Adjustment: Being willing to adjust the activity based on the feedback received.
4. Respecting boundaries:
1. Honoring Boundaries: Understanding and respecting the boundaries set by others, even if they change during the activity.
2. Personal Boundaries: Feeling empowered to establish and maintain one’s boundaries without fear of disappointment or reprisal.
5. Creating a safe environment:
1. Trust and Safety: Building an environment where everyone trusts that their boundaries will be respected.
2. Emotional Safety: Ensuring emotional safety by encouraging open, honest, and respectful communication.

By adhering to the principles of empowered consent, individuals can create enriching, safe, and enjoyable experiences where everyone feels valued and empowered in their choices and participation.

Empowered consent is Individual-Centric. It encompasses a broader scope, focusing on the holistic well-being of the individual, promoting a culture where individuals are empowered to explore their desires safely and respectfully while maintaining their boundaries.

While both enthusiastic and empowered consent promotes positive and respectful approaches to consent, empowered consent takes a slightly broader and deeper approach, focusing on personal empowerment, self-awareness, and informed decision-making, fostering an environment where individuals can safely and respectfully explore their boundaries and desires with a deeper understanding and awareness.

In alternative lifestyle spaces like Wicked Eden, empowered consent forms the foundation of a safe and respectful environment, allowing individuals to explore their desires with confidence and without fear. By embracing empowered consent, the Autonomy Project aims to foster a community that celebrates individuality, champions communication, and promotes genuine, meaningful connections among its members.

In addition, we follow these guidelines in order to best take care of one another:

• Use your words. Ask for consent. Ask for consent. Ask for consent.
• Give space for an answer after making an invitation.
• If there's no clear yes, treat it as a no. If your invitation is met with anything other than a clear yes, don't move forward. Instead, get curious about what might be going on for the person.
• Say no clearly. Your boundaries are celebrated in this community! Expressing them clearly doesn't hinder connection, it helps it. Marcia Baczynski offers 12 ways to say no gracefully without saying, "Maybe later."
• Respond gracefully to people's boundaries. We must all participate in creating a culture that celebrates people's boundaries. In Bonobo Network, the appropriate response to a "No" is, "Thank you for taking care of yourself." Check out other ways to respond gracefully to someone's boundary.
• Keep it informed. Discuss safer sex risks and any substance use before sexual play. If there are other things you need to know before playing with someone, don't assume they will tell you -- ask first.
• If they give an inch, don't take a mile. Consent to engage in one level of intimacy (e.g., nonsexual touch) does not automatically give you consent to advance the level of intimacy.
• Avoid inadvertent pressure. If someone says "not right now" or "maybe later" twice, assume that they meant no and don't ask them again. Be sensitive to all the different ways, verbal and non-verbal, that someone might be communicating "no" to you.

Check in frequently. "Are you enjoying yourself?" "Do you like it when I ___?" "Do you want it softer/harder/faster/slower/gently/etc?" All of these are ways to elicit feedback to be sure that your partner is still consenting to what's happening, plus it gives you useful information about your play together.

Check out Marcia Baczynski’s blog for alternatives to asking "Is This OK?